pictures # three

general # two

It's cold in here. I'm sitting in the computer room, listening to the Gin Blossom's song Follow You Down. I'm thinking about this summer, the way in which the last four weeks have gone, and I believe that there should be one overriding question posed: Am I better off than I was this time a month ago?

The basic problem with posing that question is that i'm just too tired to provide an honest answer. I'm too tired to consider fully all the aspects of the equation which would make for a truly representative answer. I guess that's the way it goes though. At least i'm doing something honest with my time. I'm not just wasting it by doing nothing, i'm not just out causing trouble all day long. At least i'm earning money, however small of an amount. These are positive things. Though I wouldn't say that they are all that's needed to provide a positive answer to the overriding question.

What i'm doing doing is earning as much money as I could be. I'm not getting as much done for the upcoming school year and for the CRs as I should be. These things really bother me. I want to be the best leader that I can be. Also, I know that is my responsibility for me to do both of these things, not a luxery. I'm not intending to shirk anything, although it feels like that's what I'm doing.

general # one

Today is the annual city picnic day for city employees. The city allows everyone to take the day off and pretends to give us a special price on tickets for Geauga Lake. I say "pretends" because a little bit of investigation reveals that the cities' tickets actually cost two dollars above the normal price for entrance. Really though, that doesn't bother me. I'd just pay the regular entrance fee. The crucial factor in my decision not to attend was the lack of the waterpark being open. Without the waterpark, I really wasn't very interested in Geauga Lake.

So, since I've got the day off and i'm home, I decided to do something productive. I filled out and turned in a scholarship application. Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to be awarded some money from the scholarship fund, I could really use it.

As far as paying for school, I'm going to be borrowing a lot of money during the next several years -- especially if I go to law school. During my freshman year of college, I was given a grant for $1600.00 from the federal government. During my sophmore year, that same grant decreased to $800.00. For my junior year, as far as I know, I'll be given no grant aid. That's a pattern of less free money and more non-free (expensive) money. Not a good sign at all.

reflections # one

I'm thinking back to last summer and how I didn't do much. I didn't have a job. I didn't wake up very early, nor did I go to bed very early. I lived from the A.M. to the A.M., mostly skipping those nasty PM hours in between. Things have really changed.

I'm now waking up at 6:00 AM and coming home from work at around 5:10 (on a good day). The thing that kills me is that although i'm away from home for roughly 11 hours, i'm only getting paid for 6. That sucks (or should suck) in anyone's opinion.

I don't particularily like the people that I work with. Most of them seem to excude a false sense of cheerfulness and sincerity. They're pleasent to your face and hideous to your back. That worries me because i'm gullible. It's easy for me to believe that people like me, mostly because that's what I would like to believe, but it may not always be true. I need to watch my back and remember that it was politics that got me this job and that politics doesn't end at the door.

The worst part about working there is the drive. It's incredibly dangerous for me to be on the road. A combination of the heat (usually 95 + degrees in my car) and the monotany of staring at the road for over an hour could easily lead to my death. Normally, i'm a pretty safe driver, but I often find myself nodding off at the wheel and catching myself. I'm resolved to pull over when this happens, but it's difficult. I have a strong desire to "just make it home".

When I do get home, I have roughly 3 to 4 hours of time, in which I have to fit everything that I need to do. This is a direct comparison to last year, when I had as much time as I needed. I find that I cannot creatively express myself in this time. Work leaves me feeling drained. Especially when, at best, I'm getting 7 hours of sleep per night.

I honestly don't know if i can continue this.

work # four

Tomorrow i'm having my picture taken for my city employee identification badge. I'm glad that I was given advanced knowledge -- many other employees were not so lucky. That is to say, may employees where them upside down, due to the fact they're unhappy with their picture and wish not to display it.

So, what I do at work is carry files, show people (e.g. defendents and attorneys) around and deliver mail. Officially, i'm an intern. But, I end up doing most of the jobs that other people do not want to do. I'm not complaining, it's steady employement that lacks physically hard labor. As soon as possible, i'll update this post with pictures of the courthouse and maybe (if swift) a picture or two from inside. I want to be careful about that, however, because I do not want to run afoul of any laws.

column # one

The room was large, and since it was early, mostly empty. My friends and I sat around a table, eagerly searching though a book that listed karokee songs. Above us, flags hung from the ceiling representing the branches of military service, along with a flag for the National Guard. On the walls there were numerous American flags and pieces of military memorabilia. On this night, My friends and I were in a V.F.W. chapter, waiting for the evening festivities to start.

As might be expected, the crowd was extremely patriotic. Sometime during the night, the DJ, who happened to be a member of the V.F.W., asked for everyone to please rise and join with him in singing America the Beautiful. My initial response was to smile, as I enjoy open shows of patriotism. And, as usual, the sheer force of passion arose within me, and before the first verse was over with, the hair on my arms was standing straight up and I was singing along whole heartedly.

Shortly after the song finished, however, someone at our table made a remark that sent my temperature rising. The individual said, "This patriotism stuff is overrated. America isn’t so great, really." Now, the wisdom of making such a comment while inside an establishment such as a V.F.W. should be blatantly obvious. What requires analysis, however, is my response to such criticism.

My knee-jerk reaction was to become irate, angrily questioning and eventually, when he persisted, threatening this individual. I want to be especially clear that this individual was not commenting upon the current Bush regime, but upon the very nature of the United States itself. I couldn’t believe that someone would make such a statement in any form, however, it seemed especially incredulous considering our location and the fact that the United States of America is currently at war with a dangerous enemy.

There was something wrong with my reaction. While it is always wrong to threaten someone, it is especially wrong to threaten someone when they are opining upon their nation. This individual was exercising his right of free speech, and after doing so, faced not true criticism, but violence. True criticism would have been justified (in my opinion) as well as a measured debate and, a rather urgent, intellectual spanking. America is by far the greatest nation on earth. But, back to the point, when an individual makes a strong statement, they must stand by their statement and accept peaceful criticism. In effect, they own their criticism and are responsible for the consequences resulting from it.

Patriotism cannot be spread though violence or fear, but rather though explanation. It must be explained that America was created though the desire for religious and intellectual freedom, and that it serves as a beacon of hope for both. It must be explained that America has stood strong against murderous tyrants in two World Wars. It must be explained that America faced off against an evil empire of conformity and indoctrination that ran contrary to human dignity, besting it in the end. And, along with many other things, it must be explained that America values a minority opinion, allowing its’ citizens to tear even herself down. However, when this Yankee is around, anyone criticizing the nature of Uncle Sam had better qualify their statements.