reflections # one

I'm thinking back to last summer and how I didn't do much. I didn't have a job. I didn't wake up very early, nor did I go to bed very early. I lived from the A.M. to the A.M., mostly skipping those nasty PM hours in between. Things have really changed.

I'm now waking up at 6:00 AM and coming home from work at around 5:10 (on a good day). The thing that kills me is that although i'm away from home for roughly 11 hours, i'm only getting paid for 6. That sucks (or should suck) in anyone's opinion.

I don't particularily like the people that I work with. Most of them seem to excude a false sense of cheerfulness and sincerity. They're pleasent to your face and hideous to your back. That worries me because i'm gullible. It's easy for me to believe that people like me, mostly because that's what I would like to believe, but it may not always be true. I need to watch my back and remember that it was politics that got me this job and that politics doesn't end at the door.

The worst part about working there is the drive. It's incredibly dangerous for me to be on the road. A combination of the heat (usually 95 + degrees in my car) and the monotany of staring at the road for over an hour could easily lead to my death. Normally, i'm a pretty safe driver, but I often find myself nodding off at the wheel and catching myself. I'm resolved to pull over when this happens, but it's difficult. I have a strong desire to "just make it home".

When I do get home, I have roughly 3 to 4 hours of time, in which I have to fit everything that I need to do. This is a direct comparison to last year, when I had as much time as I needed. I find that I cannot creatively express myself in this time. Work leaves me feeling drained. Especially when, at best, I'm getting 7 hours of sleep per night.

I honestly don't know if i can continue this.