nothing # one

Just between me and you: I think this it's crazy:

How i've done nothing, when i needed to do everything;

How i've tried my best;

How i've cared so much;

How little sleep i've gotten;

How i make only adversaries;

How much work i put into this;

How this was nothing that i expected;

How i feel cheated and lied to;

How this is all my fault.

column # two

World War III has begun. Are any of us surprised? We shouldn't be; we should have seen it coming. Fascism, or oppressive control that seeks to eliminate all non-supported factions from society, is incompatible with the pluralistic and generally tolerant societies of the Western World. Presumably, this incompatibity would be fine, should the reasonably just societies of the West not come into direct cultural conflict with hard-line terrorist groups, or the Fundamentalist Islamic regiemes that support them. This, however, is impossible. We live in a world society, where the exchange of goods and services across national boundaries is indispensable.

Contact was achieved when Mir Aimal Kansi fired an AK-47 assault rifle into cars waiting at a stoplight in front of the CIA agency headquarters on January 25, 1993, and on February 26 of the same year when Islamic terrorists placed a car bomb in a parking garage below the World Trade Center.

And, what about Khobar Towers bombing in 1996 that killed 19 United States service men and wounded 372? Or, in 1997, when an armed man opened fire on tourists from atop the Empire State Building, killing a Danish national and wounding visitors from the United States, Switzerland, France and Argentina. A handwritten note that was found on the man claimed the attack was punishment for the "enemies of Palestine."

In 1998, multiple United States Embassy buildings were bombed in East Africa. These attacks killed hundreds, and landed Osama bin Laden on the F.B.I's Ten Most Wanted list. Osama bin Laden's next attack took place in 2000, against the USS Cole, a United States Navy ship harbored in Yemen. An inflatable raft that was pilated by suicide bombers was loaded with explosives and used to destroy the side of the ship.

All of these attacks occured in the ten years between 1990 and 2000, which means we're leaving out the multiple attacks against the United States on 9/11, against Madrid, Spain, and against London, England and against Egypt.

Indeed, contact has been achieved, and the message should be clear: The United States, along with other peace loving nations, must fight to protect not only its own citizens, but the very ideals that characterize a free-and-open society.

lslamofascism seeks "Islamic theocratic rule -- a rule void of sophistification, of a seperation of church and state, of tolerance and equality," four of the major premises that any just society must be built upon. More than that, Islamofascism is on the march, as evidenced by the most recent terrorist attacks and the intense rhetoric of our enemies.

Just as the forces of freedom and compassion marched to war in the two previous World Wars, fighting against the evils of fascism and unbridled intolerance, they must again bear this terrible cost in the pursuit of securing liberty.

home # two

Last night I went to a birthday part for Kristen's little brother, Adam. I remember when this kid was asking me about teachers at Goshen Center eementary school. Then, later, when he was asking me about what the junior high would be like. When I think about this, it makes me realize just how much time has actually passed since I was in high school; since my group of high school friends and I were all doing the same things and going to the same places.

Renee and Nick were there also, which was really nice. It's still hard to believe that Renee is engaged to be married. I recently found out that Jenn is also engaged. These are the girls that I grew up with, did all the normal teenager things with, and will be the girls that I will forever remember as they once were. It's weird and kind of sad to think of everyone and everything having changed so much.

We've become set on courses that are very different from one another, and there isn't any turning back. I don't remember consciously choosing anything, but in retrospect it's obvious that there must have been choices.

As I was driving to Kristen's house last night, I traveled on the roads that I used to; the roads with landmarks and memories. Being at her house really drove home just how seperated we are in the things that we're all pursuing. It doesn't feel as if we've grown apart, just that we are apart, that we're doing many different things. Very weird for a group of people who did pretty much everything together.

general # three

It seems like just yesterday that I wrote in here, but after checking the date of the last post, I guess it's been a few days. Time is really flying, the summer is almost over. I can't wait for it to be over, I can't wait for this internship to be over. I wish I would have been able to earn more money this summer. I'm sure that I'm going to need it this school year, and I guess i'll just have to scrape by. But, whatever it takes. I'll worry about those potential issues when they're closer.

work # five

I dislike the people I work with so intensely sometimes I can barely stand to think about them.

home # one

It's been an eventful weekend. On Friday night, I met Lillian at Brusters, and the two of us went to a concert. There were about 10 bands there, playing various styles of music. Drew and Dreu played, but it was before we made it there. As far as Lillian is concerned, I thought that the night went pretty well. We had a decent connection in the car, when she told me about her dad, and their special songs. She seemed to be laughing and having a good time. The one thing that bothers me is that when I reached over to hold her hand, she really wasn't interested in it. She barely even gave me a goodnight hug. I think it seems reasonable to say that If she was really into me, then I would have at least received a decent hug. After all the time that we've spent talking and sharing, I guess the two of us should feel a lot closer, and maybe that's the problem. I can never put my finger on what's going on inside of her. And, when you can't do that with an emotional girl, you haven't got a chance.

On Saturday, Drew and I went to the coffee shop in the morning. From there, we went to Goodwill, and walked around Salem. Later on, Drew came back to my house, and we went to the mall, Best Buy, and Cici’s Pizzeria in Boardman. Shortly after we got back from Boardman, Drew got a call from some friends who were having a party/bonfire. We went over there and hung out for awhile. Ultimately, I fell asleep about 6:00AM on Sunday morning.

Awhile later, around 8:00AM Sunday, I woke up to say goodbye to mom, who’s going to Florida for a week. She spent the four hours between when I woke up and when she left, yelling at me and trying to make me feel about myself for not "helping" her with things more. The problem there is that I do help out, and was helping out while she was yelling at me. Secondly, many of the things that she wants help with don’t immediately need to be done. When it comes to housework, my philosophy is do what needs done, but don’t go looking for projects. She has exactly the opposite philosophy. When she was about to leave, she also got mad because I didn’t make a big show of saying goodbye. The thing is, I wanted her to leave. She’d been "ripping my head off" for the past four hours. It’s hard to be sad about someone going in that situation. I love my mother, but it’s difficult to be understanding all of the time. She can be pretty crazy.

After saying goodbye to my mother (not a remorseful goodbye in this case) I got a call from Kristen that Renee was having a Forth of July party. This was a really good thing. After a terrible morning, I really needed to be around some of my closest friends. It's been over a month since i've seen Renee, and much longer yet, since I've seen either Jenny or Nick. Nick brought Lillian. I'm glad that she was there. Renee was the first (and only) girl that I've ever loved, and she will always be the girl that I let get away, when I shouldn't have. I met Renee's fiance, Jeremy, and was struck by how much he reminded me of myself. He seems basically honest and good, and I wish the two of them above and beyond my very best.

At the party, Kristen's boyfriend Nate, was giving her a hard time about the amount that she drank. He was doing this by threatening to make her leave, and/or taking her car home while leaving there. The situation was made worse by the alcohol, which heightened the emotions involved. I ended up cuddling with kristen, hand-in-hand, foreheads together, on the couch for awhile. That might be the closest I've ever felt to her. For someone I've known since fifth grade, and someone I've did almost everything with in high school, that saying something.

I let Kristen and Nate go home together alone and had Lillian take me home. I remember riding in the back of her car, with nick upfront, all "rolly polly". Come to think of it, that must have been the effect of the alcohol.