school # seven

I think about writing in Fine Point Pen almost every day. There's so much that I wish to get out; so much that I need to put into writing to help me understand myself that it is hard not to think of the best vechicle I know of to do this.

Even with FPP in my thoughts I rarely find the time to post. I'm so overwhelmed in attempting to keep up with the organizations that i'm, in attempting to keep up with schoolwork and in attempting to keep myself sane in this ocean of dissonance, that I never seem to have enough time. These are all bad arguments for not posting. Unfortunately, they're all I've got.

I spend long periods of time fretting over the fact that I'm not the right leader for the College Republicans. I don't articulate the fundamentals of the Conservative Movement very well. I cannot put a positive spin on them in the Reaganesque way that past presidents have been able. I'm not eloquent. I'm horrible with grammar. I don't think before I speak. All of those things and plenty more.

But yet this duty is mine. I stood up and asked for it. I believe in the essental nature of a Republian Party on campus. I'm too conservative to live around here. And, I take the issues far too serious to brush off those who would take the opposing side. Simultenously, i'm not smart enough to defend against all those who would take me on.

My fellow Republican leaders on campus are quiet and repressed. Out of two meetings this semester, My Vice President and I are the only members of the leadership to have attended both. Quite frankly, I need help. I'm thinking of turning to some new recruits to help shoulder the load. I'm considering coming up with titles for them, and having them help closely with the party.

Beyond that, I really need to sort out a lot of my personality. There's a lot of character traits that I need to solve. I'm such a freakin' riddle, so knee-jerk and frustrated. I feel as if i've been spread thin.